Tuesday 12 October 2010

Eulogy - My Tribute to my Dad!

Dennis Frankie Layne


To kick start this eulogy I was at logger heads with myself as to how I would address my dad throughout. Dennis is my father and I his son but to his face I never had a word to address him. Calling him dad didn’t sit right with me and calling him Dennis to impersonal. To try and address this, I tried to conjure up a nickname for him which I felt comfortable to call him. So I tried calling him ‘pops’ which he wasn’t having any of it. I wondered why it bothered him so much; but it came to light only during the last few weeks as to why.

Many of you sitting here today; had the fortune/misfortune of being given a nickname by Dennis and I know a number of you are still known by that name today. John Thomas O’Donnell aka Jarvis. My two aunts Jennifer and Yvonne fondly recite the names that they were called: Jennifer – Angie or Queeny and my personal favourite Yvonne’s was Cripple, shorten to crip and then onto criptonite. God only imagines what might have happened had my ‘pops’ nickname taken off. So Dennis, My Dad and Granddad Dennis it is for the remainder of this eulogy.

During this time of mourning, grieving and reflection, I’d like this to be an opportunity for us to dry our eyes and put on the smile that he brought to all our lives. As I recite my memories of a great man, I hope there are instances that will remind you of a moment/occasion that you spent in his company. And as Dennis used humour to cause us to laugh and smile, I hope the jokes and good times I recall cause you to fondly reminisce.

Someone offering their condolences said let’s remember the good times; but for me there were only goods times.

Come dine with me

Dennis wouldn’t have cut it on a show like ‘Come dine with me’. I never had the luxury of tasting his cooking but from what I remember when I went to see him once, was that I wasn’t missing much. He was warming a pot of tinned beef broth in a saucer and he was trying to pass it off as his own cooked from scratch, but when I wasn’t having any of it, he relented and confessed. He said he was glad I had said it obviously shop bought; as he did have an idea of inviting friends over for dinner and serving it to them. Sticking with the food theme; I know you’ll be enjoying a plate of roast potatoes somewhere right now or that you wish I hurry up so that we can get to the reception and eat.

Brave is the man that came between Dennis and his beloved food, especially grannies saltfish bakes!!! I know one of Granddads fond memories of Dennis is him sitting down at the dining table eating a whole chicken with a loaf of bread.

Music

He loved music and sound systems most especially the bass and I was told that there was one music festival he attended with a friend and he insisted that they go as close to the bass box as possible. The bass was so much that their eyes started to vibrate.

One afternoon when Dennis had the use of a friend’s convertible; we went for a drive (eventually). He insisted on perfecting the manual EQ before we drove off. Why can’t we just drive I asked, you can’t drive around with the sound sounding ****! His love for vinyl had him traipsing the four corners of London to search for tunes. A bug bear of his was Dj’s on the radio not mixing in beats to his perfection. There was time when I had a go on his desks trying to mix and after I had mixed a number of tunes: I thought I’d ask how I did – ‘try mix that in a club and see if you come out alive’ was the reply!

Dennis sayings

I fondly remember a number of his sayings of which I’ll do them no justice by trying to imitate the original but they went along the lines of Ahwoo! What?! and What now?!? Dread! Dread was a particular favourite of mine and one that I soon added to my own vocabulary.

Sports

I couldn’t for the life of me understand why he supported Chelsea; and not only that have your younger brother support them too. Uncle Troy recalled the story the other day when he was stuck between a rock and a hard place when he had his big sister on one hand saying Man Utd and his big brother on the other saying Chelsea insisting he support their teams. Dennis won! Although I do support Man Utd and so do his grandchildren! Dennis would have been glad to see the blues win 3 league titles in his lifetime and no one would of thought that back in the 60’s and 70’s.

Even the world of Formula 1 has been hit by Dennis’ passing. Lewis Hamilton hasn’t managed to finish a race since. At the risk of causing family members to think back in annoyance about the times he recorded over their videos with motor sport. I won’t go any further with this topic.

Family Man

Dennis was a family man and I have learnt from him about the importance of family. He cherished his big sister and still as a grown man had great respect for his parents. I saw the little boy in him last year when he said he wasn’t looking forward to seeing granny because she would tell him I told you so. After his stint in hospital- him knowing some of the causes were self inflicted. What family said and thought mattered to him. Our last conversation was him calling to apologise because he hadn’t been well enough to call his Grand Daughters to wish them ‘Happy birthday’ on their birthdays.

Friends

Words don’t do him any justice when it comes to articulating what he meant to his friends. But the turn out here today speaks volumes.

Jokes (Typical Dennis)

We spoke once and he mentioned to me that he had broken his phone and I thought that he was upset because he didn’t have a phone to use; but no! His annoyance came from the fact that he had well over 200+ jokes saved on the phone. I’m aware that there is a jokes crew amongst his friends and I got in on the act; some reason somewhere someday, I guess he felt that I should be privy to these jokes. Some borderline; others unrepeatable but they caused me to laugh and smile. It’s the little things that you’ll miss the most.

We were reminiscing the other night about Dennis and our thoughts turned to Dennis’ love for Top Gear. We were running joke about the fact that Dennis felt it was the right time for him to go now as he could rest happily knowing who ‘The Stig’ was.

If you want to stay in Dennis’ good books don’t ask him to drive you anywhere too far. When I first met him he dropped me home to Hackney in his van which was a touch for me as it was usually a two bus journey. Thinking I had it made; when saying goodbye he said you’re not getting this all the time. He was right the next few times I was dropped in Camden and made the rest of the journey by bus. Others have recalled their memories of rides they had in the back of Dennis’ van.

Eleven years

I thank God for the 11 years we spent together and obviously I wish there were more, I’m happy with what he witnessed in that time period. He witnessed what a number of people will not get to witness if they live double his years on this earth. Everything I invited my Dad to attend he was there regardless – My Graduation, Our Wedding, Children’s naming ceremonies, their 1st birthdays. What I’m most happy about is that he got to meet and hold all three of his grand children.

I thank God for second chances and the period he spent in hospital last year as that enabled us to spend more time together and say how we felt. Some of those conversations bring comfort to me now – as I know with certainty how my dad felt about me and how proud he said he was. One thing about Dennis and I’m sure you’ll agree - you always knew where you stood with him. He wasn’t afraid of telling you that he loved you. If there’s one thing that we’re all going to miss are his genuine and affectional hugs. He didn’t hug in halves it was the whole squeeze.



I thought this poem I read on my dad’s memorial wall encapsulates him and our feelings towards him and I’ll end on this note!



Each morning when we wake

We know that you are gone.



And no one knows the heartache

As we try to carry on.



Our hearts still ache with sadness

And many tears still flow.



What it meant to lose you,

No one will ever know.



Our thoughts are always with you,

Your place no one can fill.



In life we loved you dearly,

In death we love you still.



There will always be heartache,

And often a silent tear,

But always a precious memory

Of the days when you were here.



If tears could make a staircase,

And hearts make a lane,

We’d walk the path to heaven

And bring you home again.



We hold you close within our hearts,

And there you will remain

To walk with us throughout our lives

Until we meet again.



Our family chain is broken now

And nothing will be the same

But God calls us one by one

The chain will link again







Ladies and Gentlemen – Mr Dennis Frankie Layne a Kilburn Square Legend!

Wednesday 10 March 2010

'Kick it out'

Wednesday 10 March

Update on the Photoshop course.  I went to the college open evening expecting to enrol only to find out that it was an expression of interest, that if they have enough people interested in the course then it will run.  I felt it was a wasted journey but we will see.  I played around with Photoshop yesterday to see if it could be self taught but the program is complex. I'll keep you posted and let you know if the course goes ahead.

Great performance by Man Utd against Milan this evening, very encouraging.  I'm backing an English team to win the competition this season.  Wayne Rooney what a phenominal season's he is having, I don't think he'll get 42 goals though.  Ronaldo's record is still safe yet.

I've earmarked my first football match as Dagenham and Redbridge v Macclesfied Town on March 20th.  The game marks Dagneham and Redbridge's Anti-Racism campaign and all standing tickets are either 99p or 25p.  If your not doing anything get yourself down to the ground.  You'll never have the chance to go to a game for cheaper unless you get in for free!

Sunday 7 March 2010

Equalisation

Sunday 7 March

One week back on the good stuff and I haven't overdosed yet.  I've watched football in measured portions.  Last night I planned to watch Match of the Day but I fell asleep watching the Piers Morgan chat show.  Simon Cowell was his guest and a good guest at that.  I hadn't set for Match of the Day to record on Sky plus either.  I saw the goals on BBC news in the morning and I didn't even feel as if I needed to watch the repeat of Match of the day later on. Great away victory for Man Utd hopefully another 3 points closer to the title.  Arsenal are back in the frame aswell.  If we don't win it, I need Chelsea to come through for me or else I'll be out of pocket.

Yesterday, saw me complete the PA systems course.  PA being 'Public Address' not 'Personal Assistant' as someone thought!  great course I learnt a lot and now I await the big challenge of running PA at a Gospel concert in April to which you are all invited.  If your deafened by feedback I'm sorry! (got it in advance -the apology that is!)  I testified today about completing the course in my Church and later in my absence two individuals thought it was a good idea to take the ... mick shall I say. I've asked them about 'Equalisation' so hopefully they'll be able to do that for me by next week.  I doubt it!

I got a brochure through my door on Saturday from a college advertising courses.  The Intro to Photoshop course starts in April for 4 weeks.  There's an open evening tomorrow to which I intend to go to.  I'll keep you posted.  It takes me back to when I first enrolled at my sixth form college all those years ago!  Guess the year and you'll win a prize!

Gym's been going well and I went for a jog this evening, the first time since I mentioned it in my January blog!  It was a lot easier tonight and I did it in 10 minutes.  Last time I was blowing after just 2 minutes.  Got around without stopping so the gym work is paying off.  Admittedly this time I had a lot less weight to carry!

I'll be back on Wednesday.  I'll let you know my thoughts on the Champions League tie v Milan. Beckham and co. and also how my college visit goes.

Tuesday 2 March 2010

There's Football on Kevin's telly, I think the challenges over, It is now!!!

Tuesday 2 March

Well here it is the big announcement that everybody expected.  The aim of the challenge has not been met and I have returned to football!  However the objectives are still alive and I aim to continue to pursue the other challenges that were set whilst I had set the original challenge.

I felt the challenge coming to an end towards the end of February, not too long after my Facebook status that read 'I'm tired of this challenge'.  A few comments that people left for me inspired me to continue for a few more days.  What I realised through the challenge was that the environment in which I find myself is football dominated and the more I tried to avoid it the more I found it pursuing me.  I got frustrated at people telling me results and different incidents and I felt like I might as well watch it first hand for myself.  I also found that the challenge, made me talk more about football and my past experiences so it wasn't like I had given up football at all just following it.  I felt the time was right and what difference would not following for another 10 months make? Plus I found it difficult to find things to blog about that weren't repetitive and of interest to readers.

I would like to say to all the followers of this challenge that it wasn't an easy decision to quit, and in some regards I feel as though I have let you down, but in the same regard I know that I set myself this challenge and it wasn''t set for me.  I gave it an honest attempt and last roughly two months.  Anyone who thinks that its easy, please I challenge you to give it an attempt and see how you fair.  Being in to football as I am, I think that two months is a pretty good stint and I'm happy at my attempt.

What's changed? Previously I used to read The Sun online because they have the best football coverage and then I'd generally read all the rubbish showbiz celeb gossip (nonsense) but during the challenge I switched to The Guardian online much better material and sport doesn't dominate the homepage.  Football has taken a back seat.  Normally I'd do chores after I'd finish catching up with the latest developments on Sky Sports News.  Now I do what needs to be done first.  Since the end of the challenge I've seen Sky Sports News twice or three times in six days.  Normally I'd live and breath it.  I don't race home after Church to watch Super Sunday!!!  I get to bed early and get enough rest, becuase I find myself not watching TV. Sleep I love it!!!

In my eyes a lot has changed from the short time I've allowed myself to watch and follow football again.  I thought that when I do return that I'd spend hours upon hours catching up with all the results that I missed, watching the goals, reading backdated news articles.  But no that hasn't been the case at all.  The most I've done its watch Match of the Day on Saturday, watched a recording of the Carling Cup Final (didn't watch it Live!) previously I would have raced home from church to watch it. I've recorded Match of the Day 2 on Sunday but its Tuesday and I still haven't watched it yet! What I have done is just get up to speed with Man Utd's goals.

As I said above, I intend to still fulfill the other challenges that I set that were meant to fill my time whilst not watching football.  The PA sounds system course finishes this Saturday, I'm awaiting the details for the Photoshop course, I'm still selling items on Ebay.  I'll definitely do the Salvage Car challenge, visit the Slave Museum, take up another sport namely 'squash', visit a part of the country that I've never been to, run a 3 or 5k race and definitely do more activities with my family - I plan to take my daughters on a canal ride during the Easter holidays. (My eldest daughter brought home a reading book about canal's) I have no intention of subscribing back to Sky Sports and I will continue to watch 'The Wire'. I finished season 1 the other day.

So this is not the end people, I plan to Blog whilst I complete the other challenges and log how my return to football goes.  I don't plan to be engrossed as I was previously and follow all four leagues and feel the need to see every single goal.  The predictor games are out the window.  Sitting down to watch Soccer Saturday gone, planning my day around football gone! 

Its been emotional and I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I have writing it!  Apparently its got some potential to be a book, so watch this space!!!

Monday 22 February 2010

No Men Allowed!

Monday 22 February

Attended a training session today, I learnt alot of development techniques that can improve efficiency and aid development.  Will definately try and use it personally.  The other good thing about the course was that it finished at 4pm and was close to a gym so I got a session in and was home by 5:45pm.  Happy Days!!

I'll try not to use that gym again though, as they were showing Sky Sports news.  That other gym I attend only shows Music channels.  I'm tired of seeing Alexandra Burke and JLS aren't there any other musicians out there?

A rethink is required regarding the 'Race for life'.  I learnt this morning from a trusted friend and confirmed later this evening that the Race for life is discrimatorary towards men and that only females can participate.  There was a brief conversation about growing my hair and applying bonding and saying I'm mid way through a trans gender operation.  But nah! that's not happening 'DN'!  DN is now looking for an alternative 5k race for me!

Sunday 21 February 2010

Race for Life

Sunday 21 February

Another challenge has been set.  You ready for it?  I've been challenged to 'run' the Race for Life in June or July. I'm not allowed to walk or jog it.   I've not yet gone on their website but I'll let you know the date as soon as I know.  Its a 5k run.  I need to convert that into miles to fully comprehend how far that is.  I'm up for the challenge and hope to raise a bit of money.  When I have my donations link set up, feel free to contribute.

This is a challenge I'm looking forward to, as it gives me an aim, in the sense of me going to the gym.  I can work towards getting fit for the race.  Instead of just, weight loss!!

Today, is my birthday.  Part of me was wishing that today was the Carling Cup Final and I was going to put a case together for me to watch the final as a birthday present to myself!!!  Don't worry, I won't make the same case for next week as I don't do belated presents.

Saturday 20 February 2010

The way you make me feel

Saturday 20 February

Today took me back and made me realise why I started this challenge in the first place. I felt a feeling today I have not felt for ages. My brother came and collected his daughter from my house and in conversation with my wife and sister-in law stated that Man Utd lost today. I felt deflated and annoyed at the news and its made me blog about my feelings. As I right now I'm annoyed at them as I had a feeling that they were doing alright and was totally shocked as I thought they were playing in the Carling Cup Final tomorrow. It shows you how out of touch I am. It has reenforced my challenge as I don't enjoy feeling this way. Some people may laugh but I'm sure there's a couple of hundred if not thousands of Football fans who get this feeling after a defeat.

I've not blogged for a while as nothing of significance has happened and in fact the challenge was or had become quite dry and I struggled with things to write and say. I did say in earlier blogs that I wasn't going to blog for the sake of it. To rejunvenate the blog and challenge, I met with my Cousin on Friday and we changed up the feel to the blog so that it looks fresh and he showed me how to insert images and videos into the blog so look out for those features in the next few blogs. I'll try and freshen things up. My cousin told me a few things about what was happening in the world of football and I was surprised to hear that Sol Campbell was back at Arsenal now there's a turn up for the books.  He did say a few other things as well.  He was shocked when some things he would of expected me to know and I didn't and then he remembered about the challenge.

Today, I learnt how to insert a poll onto my blog so hopefully a new interactive tool will also be an attraction for readers. Your opinions on what to poll on are most welcome.

A friend 'DN' has given me some advice on what I could do to improve the blogs so I've tried to take that on board. I've learnt that its not easy to leave comments here, so that's a little disappointing as I like to hear from readers. It acts as a little motivation for me.

Today was the second week of my PA systems course and today was difficult.  As part of the course, we have been given a date whereby we have to wire up a live show; which should be interesting.  Its a gospel concert.  When I have the details, I will post them here.  Feel free to attend and watch a master in action. (jokes) But seriously feel free to attend.